A Good and Resourceful State

Now remember I mentioned being in a good, and useful, and resourceful state?

Well would you like to have one of those that you can call up any time, any place, anywhere?

Here’s how

1) Stand up and think back to a time when you were very confident, when you achieved something really good. Relive that moment, seeing what you see, hearing what you hear and feeling what you feel.

Briefly think about something else,
like what did you have for breakfast (or should you have had)?

2) Relive that moment, see what you see (or what you are seeing), with any colours, any pictures, any scenery, any people and anything that was around, only you can know what this was. hear what you hear (or what you are hearing), any sounds that are particularly important to you at this time, anything you said to yourself or someone else said to you, as appropriate for this “wow” experience. And then finally feel what you feel at that time where are the feelings, in your body, all around you

Briefly think about something else,
like what did you have for lunch (or should you have had)?

3) Go back and experience all of that again and then turn it all up, the sights, the sounds, the feelings, as if you have a remote control or a dial or a slide bar on a computer screen – turn it all up as far as is still comfortable.

Briefly think about something else, like your phone number backwards

4) As you feel the confidence building up inside you, imagine a circle on the floor just in front of you and colour this in with whatever colour you like.
Does it need to have a sound as well that indicates how powerful it is (only you can hear the sound)? Step into that circle taking all the sights, sounds and feelings with you.
When that feeling of confidence is at its fullest, step out of that circle, leaving those confident feelings inside the circle.

Briefly think about something else,
like what did you have for breakfast (or should you have had)?

5) Now think of a time in your future when you want to have that same feeling of confidence. See and hear what will be there just before you want to feel confident. This could be the door of a meeting room, answering the phone etc.

6) As soon as these cues are clear in your mind, step back into the circle and feel those confident feelings. Imagine that situation unfolding around you in the future with these confident feelings fully available to you.

Now step out of the circle again, leaving the confident feelings in the circle. Whilst outside -take a moment to think of that event in the future. Those confident feelings will come to you automatically. You’ve already reprogrammed yourself for that future event. You’re feeling better about it and it hasn’t even happened. When it does you will naturally respond more confidently.

If you find that difficult – some tips

If the difficulty is in finding a really wow moment, can you think of someone you know and admire who is really confident? They could be a real person, or TV, or film character (if you have any children you might use this circle for confidence and use Harry Potter, Tracy Beaker or whoever else is their idol) and create what that character will be seeing, hearing and feeling in the same way.

If stepping into the circle is an issue, then once you’ve got that supreme state see a colour in front of you and touch the seam on your trousers or skirt just as you get to the peak time and know that you can do that any time you want to get this state of confidence back again. Or other things you can do are imagine you are stepping through a doorway or arch, switching spotlights on.

It works, you have to practise though and you can do this in the privacy of your own home, and practise often, only “perfect practice makes perfect” you know.

I’ve done this now for years and I have a “one size fits all” circle that I use for many occasions, usually when meeting people in business situations or presenting and sometimes when meeting people in social situations especially if I would rather be somewhere else. But you can have a circle for each different occasion if you want, you can chain circles together (might be useful to get you to the door of this place you want to meet Mr or Miss Right). No one else needs to know.

If the visualising, the seeing bit seems to be a little difficult then see yourself on a screen, put yourself in your favourite film (it might need a little practice, but it’s worth it).

Okay so now you know how to create a good and useful state, you have confidence to get you to somewhere, and you can be cool, calm and collected. If you need some tips on how to be cool, calm and collected - just imagine you can be cool, calm and collected and practise this, think cool thoughts, a drink with ice in it, mountain stream, an open window with a cool breeze, whatever means cool to you will work, keep on seeing it, hearing it and feeling, either all three or whatever works best for you, it can take from 30 to 90 times to “reprogram” your thinking and behaviour in this way and when it is reprogramed just think of the rewards you will get.

Imagine now what it will be like when you meet this person you are going to have a relationship with, you may be fairly clear about what they will look like, how tall/short they will be, what colour hair, eyes, what kind of build.

You may not be clear – I don’t have a “type” – my first husband (biography at the end of this book if you want to rush back there and find out why she has had all these men and can she really keep them!) – was 5ft 4ins and dark blonde hair, blue eyes, medium build, my second husband 5ft 8ins, jet black hair, wore glasses, brown eyes, slim build. My partner Jim is 6ft, balding grey/black hair (I forgot to put hair on my wish list ), blue eyes, broad shoulders slim waist (well maybe not since he met me), slim legs and a paunch (age, good food and drink), wears the kilt.

Or, like me, what this partner looks like may not be an issue as the other things may be more important, but be clear, very, very clear. What will you see when you meet this person or when they are around? What will you hear? What will you feel?

For me I knew I would see bright colours, lots of people, I would hear laughter and music, the sound of voices and feel warmth.


If you want to, you could create a Vision Board, take pictures out of magazines, or photos you have, and cut out the pieces you want and create a vision, or a collage of what life will be like with this person, notice the colours, will there be music, do you want to add pieces of fabric or flowers, how do you want to embellish it? Avoid concentrating on one particular person – just because you cut out pictures of your favourite pop star, film idol, sportsperson - does not mean you will get to be with that person and worst case scenario you might be accused of having a fetish or stalking someone!

Keep this Vision Board somewhere where you can look at it on a daily basis, add to it, make a new one, if you do keep the old one, put it away and look at it some years later, to check what has actually happened in your life.


Before you go off to search around, or go to a meeting, or a prospective meeting do you need to do some work on stuff in the past that gets in the way sometimes?